For me it’s the opposite, how can you NOT stay friends, specially if there was love, friendship, kids and happy memories. That was my choice. If you loved someone you want him or her to be happy, and stay friends, wouldn’t you? Everything else is selfish and wrong for me. What’s the difference when it’s the ultimate separation; death? Why is it conventionally easier to accept the left one’s happiness after a separation if the separation is by death? If ‘the choice’ is the reason of all fights after divorces, when where the rules of the right and wrong choice made, and what is a real choice?
Our gliding apart wasn’t a choice either. He wasn’t happy, was that his choice not to be? I tried but it wasn’t up to me either, nor the kids, it was up to each one to find Prana (life). He couldn’t find happiness with me. Did he have a choice? I don’t think so. I even think he would have had more of a choice to die from smoking, drinking or living an unhealthy life. He had to find his happiness and peace, not me. He needed a change, and I was not the right person for him anymore. We had grown apart. Unlucky? Yes, maybe. It would have been beautiful to evolve and grow together, but it wasn’t for us. It was beyond us, subconscious us, or just not us.
It took three years, communication through mail, papers signed, houses sold, new ones bought. Slowly he was getting back to what we had been once we met, but so different. He had walked his way, a total different way than mine. It was as if when we decided to get divorced our two lives got separated in both time and space, like if we had been pulled by rubber bands apart, to where we were supposed to be. Swish! So quickly! We had tried to keep the relationship that took more energy than it gave. When we gave up, we all flew and we grew.
The only difference between us was that he saw the separation as a failure, something wrong. It made him sad and angry. I never saw it as wrong, I saw it as life. Sad? Yes, of course! Because dreams where gone, separation is always hard, at least for me, and it wasn’t only him, partly I had to separate from our kids, his family and friends. It was so tough, but also a fantastic learning and growth – by choice! And for that I’m hugely grateful, and I’m sorry for all the pain that had to be there.