When the divorce was obvious, I just wanted to stay friends. I wanted a friend in him, not only have conversations about selling the house, excel files about costs, and trying to solve problems. The answer I got was that that wasn’t possible; “No one can be friends after a divorce!”
I was shocked! Why not? What kind of conventional BS (sorry!) was that? I missed him, his advice, our talks, our girls, our families. Why couldn’t he accept the growing apart and still be friends? What was it in his anger towards me that he needed to heal? For me it’s the opposite, how can you NOT stay friends? Specially if there was love, friendship, kids and happy memories. If you loved someone wouldn’t you want him or her to be happy, help them in what they need, cooperate, care? Everything else is selfish and wrong for me.
What’s the difference when it’s the ultimate separation; death? Why would it be easier to be kind and accept to the abandoned if the separation occurs by death from smoking or drinking? Is it because there wasn’t a ‘choice’? Or is it because there wasn’t any cruel words in the process? There wasn’t any greediness, jealousy, possession, controlling, and all those other things that are part of a relationship but NOT love.
Or is it because we just don’t reflect on what is right, intoxicating us more than any poisonous molecule. We do what others do, we follow hundreds of years of conventionalism, dating back to when we (the women) were not supposed to live as we wanted but as he wanted? Times when the sacrament was used for reasons that don’t exist today, times when 50% of women died in child birth at early age, and when very few reached the age of 50.