One of the hardest disconnections in my life was my divorce. When my ex husband became more and more grumpy, more and more miserable, he needed a change. I asked him what it was he didn’t like in his life. That was the start to our separation. I could see that he was unhappy, I felt it and got worried about his health, so I tried to heal him, please him, and understand him. I tried everything, and I even tried to avoid him to give him space. I also tried to not go down the self pity path, making my life miserable as well, become grumpy and angry myself, blame and hand out guilt. Still it didn’t make him less grumpy. I couldn’t help, I was the problem.
I said to him; Either we stay married and friends, or we separate and stay friends, but we have to be friends! I saw no other healthy way. Fighting was not an option, it was silly, friendship was the only sensible way for me. I hoped, prayed, tried in all ways to be friends – we have kids! I begged him to not think of him, to have empathy for the kids and me, to think more of the family economy than his. But he couldn’t. I felt anger and revenge, even if it was his decision, maybe even unconscious. The only language he understood was money. When he once again went behind my back, I gave up! After too many stabs in the back I gave up. I felt manipulated, abused, too much suffering, loss, and pain. I gave up the idea of being friends. I had to accept he wasn’t interested.
The whole inherited convention and culture we were brought up in exploded in me. Gone! I couldn’t take any more, I had to allow the disconnection and take the risk of never re-connecting again. I didn’t suffer for my sake, nor for his, I suffered for the kids but I couldn’t allow their dad to continue. If I accepted, he would do the same to the girls. Exhausted, stressed and very angry, but not broken, I gave up my principles. They were not his. Prana came back to me, I healed hugely. I was so astonished but not surprised, I realized I had been hanging on to a negative connection.
I started to make decisions without him that I thought was the best for him, me and the girls. That’s when he changed. That’s when he said; I want us to be friends! It took three years. Sometimes we need to face the fear of disconnection to find the right connection. I would never have been able to go through this period without living my Olive Life.