Separation – the Most Difficult Disconnection

One of the hardest disconnections in my life was my divorce. When my ex husband became more and more grumpy, more and more miserable, he needed a change. I asked him what it was he didn’t like in his life. That was the start to our separation. I could see that he was unhappy, I felt it and got worried about his health, so I tried to heal him, please him, and understand him. I tried everything, and I even tried to avoid him to give him space. I also tried to not go down the self pity path, making my life miserable as well, become grumpy and angry myself, blame and hand out guilt. Still it didn’t make him less grumpy. I couldn’t help, I was the problem.

disconnect

I said to him; Either we stay married and friends, or we separate and stay friends, but we have to be friends! I saw no other healthy way. Fighting was not an option, it was silly, friendship was the only sensible way for me. I hoped, prayed, tried in all ways to be friends – we have kids! I begged him to not think of him, to have empathy for the kids and me, to think more of the family economy than his. But he couldn’t. I felt anger and revenge, even if it was his decision, maybe even unconscious. The only language he understood was money. When he once again went behind my back, I gave up! After too many stabs in the back I gave up. I felt manipulated, abused, too much suffering, loss, and pain. I gave up the idea of being friends. I had to accept he wasn’t interested.

reconnect-2

The whole inherited convention and culture we were brought up in exploded in me. Gone! I couldn’t take any more, I had to allow the disconnection and take the risk of never re-connecting again. I didn’t suffer for my sake, nor for his, I suffered for the kids but I couldn’t allow their dad to continue. If I accepted, he would do the same to the girls. Exhausted, stressed and very angry, but not broken, I gave up my principles. They were not his. Prana came back to me, I healed hugely. I was so astonished but not surprised, I realized I had been hanging on to a negative connection.

I started to make decisions without him that I thought was the best for him, me and the girls. That’s when he changed. That’s when he said; I want us to be friends! It took three years. Sometimes we need to face the fear of disconnection to find the right connection. I would never have been able to go through this period without living my Olive Life.

2 thoughts on “Separation – the Most Difficult Disconnection

  1. Very brave and so happy that all worked out so positively for you all dear C. With best wishes to you and the team. Love Liz xxxx

  2. How did he stab you in the back ?
    See I’ve been in a on and off 5 year relationship (longest off for 6 months) and the problem is we are great as friends and he is ALWAYS therefore me if i have trouble or need help or a shoulder to cry on but he loves me so much that he i guess pushes for a relationship and then we end up dating but when we do thats when it turns to shit – fights, arguing, disappointment. We broke up in September (hr left me- because he felt as tho he wasn’t good enough and was holding me back which is true and he had no job he was all negative 24/7 about this – he is materialistic) But just last week he got this great job, benefits, he loves it etc and now he wants to date again he feels like he is good enough and can make me happy etc. But I’m hesitating. I feel like everytime I’m with him I give up being me, i dont have as much fun as i want to, i dont do as much as i want to, but at the same time i do what i want sometimes and i have fun sometimes. Also I’m unattracted to the fact that he’s over weight (I mean he has a HUGE belly thats double my width and i’ve told him about healthy alternatives but he still isn’t changing in that sense (maybe it’s thyroid)) Its just I don’t know. If i stay with him it’s safe – we already know each other well and i can basically know my future. But if I don’t stay with him – ican work on me fully, i can be healthy i can be happy i can be free and practice my beliefs. if i stay with him im settling down and he doesn’t control me but when im with him he implements things and i seem to not think about my values and do what he wants. IDK. any advice ?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s