I believe we are all kind and want to be kind. The one thing that keeps us from being kind is fear! Our reasoning mind starts questioning our acts of kindness asking: ‘What if I help, will they come back for more?’… ‘Will my family approve of it?’… ‘They won’t understand me if I help!’ Fear of being judged makes our acts become rational, limited, economic and conventional. We give so they can give us back if we need it. We ‘buy’ them. Like if we give the guard at our estate a gift we do it because they might look after our house a little bit more. We help because they can help us when we need it or because it is deductible on the taxes. It is giving yet also taking. It’s not help as a single act of kindness without reasoning.
I have promised myself to always try to be kind, (it is actually the only meaning I see in life if any). I try to never stop myself from being kind again, out of fear from being judged as stupid, crazy and naive. I have helped behind others backs before, cowardly, and not standing for my acts of kindness: “Here, take it but don’t tell…” I see that now, so clearly. I didn’t before. Now the only meaning of kindness for me is the isolated act of kindness. Not because I reason on what they can give me in return but because it decorates my life here and now so beautifully. What being kind means depends on the person or situation. A No! can be so much kinder than a Yes! My point is that I choose to be kind. It is purely egoistic in the sense that it is healthy for me, it makes me happy.
Sometimes I fail, but mostly I actually do help. My faith lays in a bigger picture that I can’t overlook. If I fail I simply wasn’t supposed to help, or that’s how it looks now. Maybe a seed was put down, maybe the next person can be of better help than me because of how I tried to help. Sometimes (many times) I’m still asked why, like the man who had cancer and I said I can help him with some advice, and he said, to my surprise: Why would you help me, you don’t know me? Once again the question surprised me to an astonished silence. I really had to think, why do I offer my help? The only answer I have to that question is; Why not, if I can! There is no other reason. So I’ll continue to help, whoever asks for my help, as much as I can, only because I can. And I’m grateful for it.