If we can jump out of the grip our fear holds on us, we have a greater possibility to succeed. If our expectation of a certain outcome is a driving force and not a limitation, we have a greater possibility to succeed too, as we detach from “I need to succeed.” The “need” for success becomes a limitation if we are afraid of not succeeding. The frustration a “need” creates in us is not an energy that makes us creative or productive, but rather a block to our energy. Expectation is a driving force if we can work towards the outcome of our expectation while being OK the actual outcome expected is not delivered.
So why do we fear? We believe it is the fear of being judged, by others, society and more so, by one’s self. We put up criteria for success so that we will be “liked” by others. We fear that if we don’t possess a certain amount of money, beauty, power or whatever it might be, we won’t be loved or accepted. But honestly, if someone loves us only because we can pay them for it, or because we have a nice title on a business card, or look a certain way, we should probably ask ourselves (and the person) if it is love or some other need. What if it is only in our heads? Maybe the person says; “I love you” and means it, but we hear other needs behind the words?
It is our own expectations that are limiting us from living fearlessly. It is only if we think that we will be judged and labeled as someone who didn’t succeed that we fear a certain outcome. If we label ourselves and others, we compare, and all comparing is relative to a certain measurement. So who sets the measurement?
Our Olive O8 principle #2 explains that our lives cannot be measured as we are never finished products, but only ever processes. What might be measured as failure might turn out to be the start of a success, and vice versa. If a guy fails at university, has to sleep in his friends’ dormitories, finally drops out and gets a job he hates just to survive, makes money for a ticket to India, goes there to party and meditate, how is he measured? Finally he gets back, finishes his studies, starts a company, fails, starts another one and that company is called Apple Inc, and the guy is Steve Jobs. When should the measurement be done? If it is done when Steve Jobs is a drop out, is he then a looser? What if it was those early “failed” years that lay the foundation of his later creativity? On the other hand, was he a success only because of his wealth, in spite of our having learned so much more about him now, that we might even question what kind of success was it he achieved? Is there any real point in measuring? What’s Real?