Is there anything in your life that makes you feel frustrated, irritated or not at ease when you think about it? Then you might want to read or see a youtube with Gabor Maté, an author and psychiatrist that worked with drug addicts. He explains how after years of practice with the recommended mainstream treatments, he didn’t get the results he wanted. He realized that making his patients feel ‘wrong’, even if well intentioned, only kept them more stuck in their situation. That’s when he realized he had to “live their life” and totally identify with their situation, so he could understand them and really help them.
He started to understand that with their history, memories, biochemistry and capabilities, shooting heroin up their vein is the most logical and rational thing to do. We have all been “addicted” in one way or another, to food, money, things, cigarettes, power, alcohol, shopping, a relationship… We can all go back and see that whatever we did, was the only thing we could do, for the simple reason that it was what we did. Otherwise we wouldn’t have done what we knew wasn’t good for us and others. When we see this, the shift comes in an instant through the relief from guilt, blame and judgment. Then, and only then, we have a true choice to change habits we don’t find good.
There is a huge difference in telling oneself; ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t want’. David Wolf, author and a raw foodist also writes about this as the only way to change a bad habit, in his case to loose weight. The depriving yourself of food, a drink, spending money, or what ever it is, or blaming oneself and others, only creates more of the energy that makes us maintain the habit. If we want to have a choice, if we truly want a change, and to let go of the bad feelings, it can only come to us when we change the “energy” around what we want to change – when the feeling towards the source of irritation and frustration changes, when the bad feelings go, we have a choice to change.
This works in relationships too. Say for example that you don’t like how your boss is treating you but you can’t change your job and you are stuck with that boss. You feel that you’ve tried it all, but nothing changes. That’s when your frustration and irritation rises. That’s the signal to yourself that you have to “stop making wrong” to get relief and peace with how things are. Some call this acceptance, we call it possibility to change. And only then you can change what needs to be changed, only then you will send vibes, energy, to yourself and your surrounding that will allow a change.
So next time you drink or eat to much, don’t do yourself wrong, do yourself right! See that it is the only logical thing you can do under those circumstances. If you then want to change the circumstances, you now can. Next time you get irritated with your boss or anyone else, understand that it is the only right thing he or she can do, as they are not you! They can’t act and do as you do, on all levels; their background, education, even biochemistry, are all different. Even if they want to think as you they can’t. And if you were them you would do and say exactly the same as they did. Only then can you change your feelings towards the situation and maybe change the whole situation. That’s when you change your feelings (your energy) towards him or her. Only then you and they have a true choice.
Our teacher Ray (on demand retreats) is a true healer in this sense. He can see the most negative situation form the most positive and unconventional angle and allow us to truly understand. This is mind detox at it’s best, and we teach it at all our retreats because it’s healing for you, and all others. Tomorrow we are off to a start with out April retreat. How we prepare? By being loving and at peace 🙂