Have you ever been around people that talk about how awful and negative everything is? Can’t, don’t, won’t… Negativity can be very unhealthy, not only for the one doing it but for those that have to listen, just like smoking it affects others too. Before the law against smoking in public places was made effective, 2 workers died every day in the UK from passive smoking in work environments, and about 8000 from home environments affecting children too, that often get asthma attacks.
People that spread negativity, just for the sake of it, are as toxic as smoke. I don’t mean depressed people, because their negativity is genuine and authentic. I mean the ones that want to pick on anything and everything just for the sake of saying something; they pick on you, others, the decoration of the table, the taste of the food. These people are not depressed, they are just unaware. Most don’t see how harmful it is. Most don’t want to spread negativity, just like smokers don’t want to cause asthma, but they do. Why?
Why is it so hard for some to say nice things, just for the sake of being nice. What is it that makes us so greedy with nice words, and praise? Is it that we think it is going to make the one you offer compliments to egoistic and self obsessed? Or is it just a conventional way of talking in some cultures? I experience this often with parents to children, and I don’t doubt for a second that the parents love their kids. Is it that they want to “prepare” the kids for the “real world”, or are they themselves unconfident and worried about it? What ever it is, it has been shown in plenty of studies that negativity in workforces, at home, in school…everywhere, is leading to more negativity and worse results. The opposite leads to more Prana, life force.
When we see this, we can observe ourselves and release it, as we teach at the Olive Retreats (mind detox). We can understand what we do and why, and then stop it if we don’t like what we do, and make others aware of it too. We can see the beauty instead, and feel grateful. When we feel negative, instead of expressing it, we can simply not say anything until we need help to understand a persistent negative feeling. To feel negative; sad, anxious, mad, etc, is totally OK, we all do, it’s human. To be negative is part of what we call the duality or relativism. It’s there whether we want it to be or not. It is even good to feel negative sometimes, but not healthy to stay in it, and spread it to others if there is no value to them – that’s a negative monologue. To talk openly and understand ourselves and others, is a totally different thing. That makes us grow and become compassionate. Everything can be said, it just depends on how it is said.
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my dad is like this- i no longer live a t home but my little brother does and my mom died last week and now my dad is worse. how do i help them ? I cant deal with my dad he gets me so angry and anxious (which im never a nervous or anxious person except around him)
Thanks for sharing! The world is full of unawareness. I think most negative people are not aware of the damage they do. Your dad probably don’t understand how “toxic” it is for others. Is there any way you can make him aware? Maybe just explain that it is toxic, and there are studies (specially for children) on how this affect others. I wouldn’t contradict him, because for him he is “right”, and it is not a question of right or wrong. Try to say that what he sees as negative can be seen in other perspectives and even as positive for others. That it depends on what you want to focus on. And the negative that is clearly not good, like war, (that we can’t avoid getting depressed about), he should stay away from, just not see the news, and definitely not spread the negativity to his kids and others as it won’t change anything but their mood.
For you brother, I would try to make him see that other perspective. Point out that your dad is seeing things form a negative perspective and you form another more positive perspectives. No one can say they are more “right” than others. There are as many “truths” as people asked. Your brother can still choose to see the positive perspective, if only because it is healthier for him and others. Sooner or later he will probably see that by himself anyway but you can probably help him now.